I'm lonely... sometimes

I'm lonely...sometimes.

I have amazing family and friends that I can call on no matter the day or the hour. I live in a city that has numerous events going on each day. I could go out and make new friends almost any day of the week. The internet and social media are available to me to connect with people from all over the world. I have many books that I could throw myself into and see the world through the eyes of multiple characters. Then there’s Netflix, Hulu, and YouTube. So many movies, so many series, so many top ten lists, so many unboxings, so many product reviews, so many Fortnite videos, etc. I have no shortage of opportunities to be surrounded by people and/or meet new people. I literally have a laundry list of things I could use as distractions to keep my mind off the feeling of being lonely. Yet, here I am...sometimes.

Loneliness is defined as feeling sad and unhappy about being socially isolated. Ironically, a lot of us isolate ourselves when we feel lonely. Maybe the sadness isn’t necessarily tied to being socially isolated. Perhaps it’s merely being in a place where you’re not getting the social stimulation that you need and not even knowing what the requisite stimulus is. I’ve felt lonely and alone in a room full of people where I was smiling, laughing, and holding meaningful conversations. I guess that pretty much discredits that definition.

I don’t have as many lonely days as I used too, and they’re usually inexplicable when I do have them. Today and yesterday were normal. I went to work, chatted with my coworkers and friends throughout the day, had a great lunch with good food and laughs, finished up the work day, and came home. I did all of this while feeling lonely. Now I’m sitting here typing this up to decompress a bit. Loneliness doesn’t get me down as much as before. It’s going to creep in every now and again. I know this.

Loneliness is that annoying relative that shows up unannounced and needs to stay at your place for a few days. I am willing to allow it to stick around for a day or two. After that, it’s gotta go! During lonely’s stay, I don’t fight it. I let it do its thing and get gone. Resistance is futile. When lonely leaves, I don’t miss it, and I don’t anticipate its return. It doesn’t enter my mind until the next time it appears on my doorstep. After all, I’m only lonely...sometimes.

Originally published on Lost in Birmingham, October 12, 2018