Checkpoint: Level 43

Happy Holiday!

In my adult years, my late grandmother, Clementine, would always greet me with those words when she called to wish me a happy birthday. It was fitting because, growing up, my birthday often got overshadowed by Christmas. That was just how it was. However, starting in my 30s, I made a point to celebrate my birthday (and my half-birthday). I decided that both of them mattered, and that I mattered.

For the last five years or so, my chosen family, Autrina and Audrina, along with other friends and relatives, have made every birthday extra special. They've shown me what it looks like when people genuinely care about marking the moment with you, rather than simply for you.

As I continue to grow older, birthdays have become more than just celebrations. They are checkpoints that inspire hope and motivate me to reflect on my journey and prepare for what's ahead.

This is where I've been. This is where I'm going. This is what year 42 looked like.

42 in Review

Year 42 was a year of maintaining stability. It was about holding steady while everything around me demanded more.

My work remained consistent. I continue to lead in metrics and perform at a high level. I know I'm capable of much more, and my current role often feeds into a recurring existential crisis. I'm ready to transition into another role. Right now, my focus is on doing excellent work while remaining open to new opportunities. I trust that the right one will come.

The battle with debt continued. Progress was made, but it was slow. Every month requires careful calculations and decisions about what matters most. Financial stress is a constant background hum that never entirely goes away, but I'm learning how to keep it from overshadowing everything else.

Mentally, I've done significant work through therapy and self-reflection, processing the patterns that keep me stuck. It's not a linear journey, and I'm not "fully repaired," but I am more self-aware. I'm more honest with myself about what I'm carrying and why, and that counts for something.

My creativity remained alive and well. Reggie in Beta became a consistent practice, and I posted to the blog every two weeks without fail. I didn't let concerns about readership enter my mind. Instead, I wrote about topics I would want to read about, hoping my work would impact at least one person, whether that's today or years from now.

I didn't stream as much as I would have liked. To be honest, I'm not sure if I'll return to it. However, writing has stayed as my outlet. It reminds me that I'm more than just my job title or my responsibilities. Even when it was hard or when the numbers didn't justify my efforts, I kept showing up because that's how I think out loud and work through my thoughts.

If I had to sum up year 42 in one word, it would be: rooted. Not stagnant or stuck, but anchored in what matters while everything else shifted around me. It involved staying grounded when life keeps asking me to prove myself, and holding on to what's true even when the path forward isn't yet clear.

What I'm Carrying Into 43

I'm carrying lessons from year 42 that remain unlearned because they highlight areas for growth and inspire ongoing self-awareness as I step into year 43.

Making Rest Non-Negotiable

I've always known that rest isn't optional, but my body is making that clearer now. As I'm getting older, late nights and early mornings feel different from how they used to. My overall health can no longer take a backseat. Rest is essential for recovery. As I become more physically active, optimal sleep will become even more critical. Year 43 needs to look different. I can't keep pushing through exhaustion and expect my body to keep up. Recovery isn't a sign of weakness. It's part of the process.

Health as a Priority

I'm committed to living a healthier life and becoming more active in year 43 through weight training, cardio, and improving my diet. I've already lost over 20 pounds with minor changes, like drinking more water and walking. Now, I'm ready to scale my efforts for even better results. Rest enables me to be more active, and more activity requires more rest and recovery. It's a cycle, and I'm finally prepared to honor both sides of it. This isn't about perfection. It's about building strength, stamina, and a foundation that supports everything else I'm trying to achieve.

Finding My Leadership Style

I'm still figuring out what leadership looks like for me. Not the version that sounds good in a performance review, but the version that resonates with me personally. I know I'm capable of leading, but I'm learning that leadership isn't just about competence. It's also about presence, authenticity, and showing others what's possible. I'm still working out what that looks like in practice, not just in theory.

The Space Between

The tension between where I am and where I want to be is real. I'm good at what I do, and I know I'm capable of more. But wanting more doesn't diminish the importance of where I am right now. I'm learning to hold both realities: honoring the excellence I bring today while still reaching for what's next. That balance isn't easy, but it's necessary. Growth doesn't require me to disrespect where I am now.

Beyond Budgeting

This debt journey hasn't been easy. Ultimately, I can only budget so much. The key will be increasing income and possibly developing multiple streams of income. That will definitely be a focus for year 43. Cutting expenses only gets you so far. Real progress requires earning more, creating more, and building more. I'm ready to shift my energy toward growth, not just reduction. The path forward isn't solely about what I spend less on. It's about what I create.

Returning to Faith

I want to invest more energy into my faith in year 43. One night at dinner, I felt a strong conviction to purchase a Bible, and I did just that. I feel like I've been running for a long time, and it's time to surrender. Essentially, I've tried everything else. It's time for me to let go of my church hurt, face my fears, and walk into the life I know God has for me. I've been carrying wounds that don't belong in year 43. It's time to heal, trust, and stop trying to control everything on my own. Faith isn't about having all the answers. It's about trusting the one who does.

The Focus for 43

I'm not setting resolutions or making promises I can't keep. I'm simply naming what I want this year to feel like. I want more peace, more presence, and more clarity about what truly matters versus what is just noise. I want to protect my energy better, say no to things that don't serve me, and make space for rest without guilt.

I want to keep showing up. For my family. For my work. For myself. Even when it's hard. Even when the progress is so small I can barely see it. I want movement, not perfection—just forward motion on what matters, like debt, career growth, mental health, and creativity. I want to be more honest about where I am, with less performance and less pretending that I have it all together. Just the truth about what it's like to be 43 and still figuring it out.

The Checkpoint

I'm not waiting for permission or the perfect moment. Year 43 starts now, and I'm stepping into it with intention. I'm committing to my health, my faith, my growth, and my future. I'm done running, avoiding, and pretending that I have to figure it all out alone.

A year from now, I'll be at yet another checkpoint, and I'll ask myself these questions: Did you do the work? Did you honor your commitments? Did you move closer to the life you know is possible? Did you protect what matters? Did you show up even when it was difficult?

I don't know what year 43 will bring, but I know what I'm bringing to it: faith, discipline, consistency, honesty, rest, health, and growth. That's enough to start. That's enough to build on.

Another year. Another level. Let's go.

Happy Holiday (Love you, Cleme).